Understanding Domestic Violence
Domestic violence refers to abuse or violence that occurs in a domestic setting, such as in a marriage or cohabitation. This term is often used synonymously with intimate partner violence, which is committed by one of the people in an intimate relationship against the other. Domestic violence can also involve violence against children, parents, or the elderly.
Traditionally, domestic violence was mostly associated with physical violence. However, the understanding of domestic violence has evolved over time and it now commonly includes all acts of physical, sexual, psychological, or economic violence committed by a family member or intimate partner. It can range from subtle, coercive forms to severe physical abuse, such as marital rape and other violent physical acts, and even includes the use of technology to harass, control, monitor, stalk or hack.
Worldwide, the victims of domestic violence are overwhelmingly women, who tend to experience more severe forms of violence. Nevertheless, it’s important to remember that domestic violence can and does affect people of all genders.
Recognising the Signs of Domestic Violence
Recognising domestic violence can be challenging as it often starts subtly, with the abuser possibly expressing love or providing financial support, making it difficult to discern the abusive behaviour. Here are some signs that you or someone you know might be experiencing domestic violence:
- Your partner controls what you’re doing
- They check your phone, email, or social networks without your permission
- They force you to have sex when you don’t want to
- They control your birth control or insist that you get pregnant
- They decide what you wear or eat or how you spend money
- They prevent or discourage you from going to work or school or seeing your family or friends
- They humiliate you on purpose in front of others
- They unfairly accuse you of being unfaithful
- They destroy your things
- They threaten to hurt you, your children, other loved ones, or your pets
- They hurt you physically (e.g., hitting, beating, punching, pushing, kicking), including with a weapon
- They blame you for their violent outbursts
- They threaten to hurt themselves because of being upset with you
- They threaten to report you to the authorities for imagined crimes
- They say things like, “If I can’t have you, then no one can.”
In same-sex relationships, the signs of domestic violence can be the same as those listed above, but may also include specific forms of abuse such as threatening to ‘out’ you to your family, friends, employer, or community, or forcing you to ‘prove’ your sexuality by performing sex acts that you do not consent to.
What to Do If You’re Being Abused
If you recognise any of the signs mentioned above and find yourself in an abusive relationship, it’s crucial to prioritise your safety and well-being. Remember, you are not alone, and there are resources available to help you break free from the cycle of domestic violence. Here are some steps you can take:
- Ensure your immediate safety: If you are in immediate danger, do not hesitate to call your local emergency number. Your safety is the top priority, and trained professionals are ready to assist you.
- Seek medical attention: If you have been injured or sexually assaulted, it’s important to seek medical care. Healthcare professionals can provide necessary treatment and document any injuries, which may be useful in legal proceedings.
- Reach out for help: There are helplines available that offer free, anonymous support and guidance. They can provide you with valuable resources, including information about local domestic violence shelters where you can find temporary refuge.
- Create a safety plan: Leaving an abusive relationship can be a complex process. Develop a safety plan that outlines steps to protect yourself and any dependents involved. This plan may include securing important documents, setting aside emergency funds, and identifying a safe place to stay.
- Preserve evidence: If possible, gather and safeguard any evidence of abuse, such as photographs of injuries, threatening messages, or other relevant documents. Store them in a secure location that the abuser cannot access. This evidence can be crucial in legal proceedings or when seeking a protection order.
- Seek support in your community: Educate yourself about the available support services in your community. Local organisations, support groups, or counseling services can provide guidance, emotional support, and assistance in navigating legal processes.
- Share with someone you trust: Reach out to a friend, family member, or confidant whom you trust. Sharing your experience with someone supportive can provide emotional relief and help you feel less isolated. They may also offer assistance and accompany you to seek professional help.
- Consider a protection order: Depending on your situation, obtaining a protection order, also known as a restraining order or an order of protection, can provide a legal barrier between you and the abuser. Consult with a legal professional or contact a domestic violence hotline to understand the process and eligibility requirements.
Remember, you deserve to live a life free from violence and fear. Recognising the signs of domestic violence is the first step toward reclaiming your power and seeking help. Reach out to the available resources, lean on your support system, and know that there is hope for a brighter future beyond abuse.
